Let’s Talk Situationships!!!!🀫🀫

Hey people, feels so good to write to you again.

So yeah, lets talk Situationships!!!!! I know you know what Situationship means but since I am a nice person, let me give a simple definition just incase you’ve forgotten and want to walk away thinking this isn’t for youπŸ˜€πŸ˜€. So, Situationship is anything less than a relationship, but more than a casual encounter or booty call(friends with benefit). It could be a romantic relationship that is, and remains, undefined. A situationship isΒ that space between a committed relationship and something that is more than a friendship. I think I prefer this highlighted definition because a situationship isn’t necessarily, romantic, sexual, or rather doesn’t have to be sexual. A Situationship is just basically anything that could be more but isn’t due to some circumstances, either intentionally, knowingly or not. Well, I think its about time we talk about this because a lot, if not everyone of us are in a situationship but I think we either just live in denial or generally like to avoid talking about it because it obviously feels like a safe space or its just non existent.

How do we find ourselves in situationshps????? we walk in with our legs of causeπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ well, sometimes we’re lied to, people omit the truth, when you don’t know what you want and everything seems like it, when you cant get what you want, when you just want to play safe, when you keep catching feelings abi crushing on every person that is nice to you and they’re making it clear to you that its ‘just as friends‘ but No! since you get coconut head and you no dey hear word, you will just be catching feelings anyhow and before you know it you’re in deep and just settle for whatever it is because you must keep feeding your already hungry emotions. So yeah, most of the time we catwalk into situationships with our legs and our eyes wide open because obviously our emotions are being fed and it feels like we’re on the run way. I think basically, it also happens when we get the right type and amount of attention we need from a certain someone without defining what it is. lol, the Bible wasn’t obviously joking when it said ‘guard your hearts with all diligence‘.πŸ˜†πŸ˜†. In other cases, the reason for your situationship could be a recentΒ breakup. If you or your partner recently ended a serious, long-term relationship, the timing might not be right to commit and you just need something casual to keep body, mind and soul together while you work on getting back at or with your ex( ha! this one is a double situationship)πŸ˜‚πŸ˜. other times, we find ourselves in Situationships because that exactly what we want, and there’s absolutely no crime in that. In some other cases, it could be factors that are just beyond our control (distance, health, religion, and many others).

When do you know you’re in a Situationship???? you’re more than friends but it cant even be called a relationship either. you talk all the time, have feelings for them, you feel attached but there’s no form of commitment. you’re just there constantly feeding your emotions, fantasizing about what could be. you’re just going with the flow until they wake up one day and tell you they’re committed to someone else or ask you why you aren’t in a relationship. lolπŸ˜‚. it just feels like a safe space to throw your emotions around with no tag attached to it. when you feel confused and begin to ask questions like ‘what are we‘, my dear you’re in a situationship. Sometimes, you get really emotionally attached that in your head you’re in a relationship, but in reality, you’re not. you’re just emotionally committed to someone with the hope of a relationship on a long run.

You also know its a Situationship when you only make short-term or last minute plans. when instead of making proper plans to see you, they say ‘I’ll see you when I see you. when instead of ‘I’ll like you to come along with me‘, they’ll say ‘come if you want to’(nothing particularly annoys me like this one). you don’t feel wanted or needed you just fit into an emotional space at that time. when there’s no consistency. This week you’re talking all day, smiling with your mouth wide open and your not so white set of teeth on display(you know how you smile and your face begins to hurt, that’s the kind of smile I’m talking about). You’re texting, sending voice notes and even switch to normal voice call when one person doesn’t respond to a chat in two seconds. Next week your barely hearing from them and when they’re back, its like they never left. when they keep making statements like ‘as a friend‘ especially when you ask about their opinion on something.

My hands are really itching to write more but then this is getting longer than I imagined so we might have to have a continuation in another post as there’s a lot to talk about but I’m trying to make this really short and enjoyable to read. Also, I know a few people that cant stand to read anything more than two paragraphs. So, Lastly, are you waiting on anyone or stalked in, to, with, for, in, to your ex or basically just anyone?????? My dear, that’s a situationship because you’re there holding on to what’s not as you have refused to accept the fact that there’s nothing for you there abi O ti pari(it has ended). My dear, better wake up, get your head together and accept and start to live in the reality of what it is. And most importantly if the reason why you’re in a Situationship is because you’re waiting on someone or holding onto what’s not, you need to know that you’re too good to wait on anyone. How can someone keep a whole you hanging???? don’t put your self in that situationship abeg.πŸ€—πŸ™‚

I’ll like to end with this, Situationships aren’t entirely bad, as far as you’re sure that that’s what want, you know what you are doing and you’re really really sure that you know what you’re doing. Situationships aren’t bad if there’s mutual understanding, respect and you know your limit. So my darlings ‘guard your hearts with all diligence‘ while at it. Meanwhile, watch out for part two.😎😎😎. Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment. Thank you for always!🀩🀩

❀✨

MATILDA.

Some fun facts about me cont.

Hello again, I trust you’re doing just fine??? It’s yet another sunny day and it feels just right to write you again. So, this would be the concluding part of ‘some fun facts about me’. ☺️☺️☺️

I’m naturally a happy person and I love to see people happy too. Yes, I have some really low days that I’m totally off but then by default, I find my way back to being the happy person I am. Sometimes when I’m around people, they wonder where I get my energy from cause of how energetic I am and they being to ask if I’m high on something πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. I just really love to light up a place and see everyone happy. It’s just who I am and I can’t help it. I’m just a very happy and energetic person and I love to play. 😁😁

I love to dance!!!!! I don’t even know how to dance but Once the gbedu dey enter body, I can’t help it. Ha! You need to see my moves especially when I’m sitting down. Lol, you’ll think I’m a professional dancerπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. You see how they say when someone shouts and claps before dancing then they’re about to dance nonsense, that’s the category people say I fall in 😩😩😩. I’m saying people because I cannot by myself despise the days of my humble beginningπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚But honestly, if I can interpret the steps I have in my head ehn, even kaffi and liquorose joined together, will have nothing on me. 😜😜😜

I love poetry. I love Nature. I love photography. This year I wanted to get myself a camera for my 26th birthday, but what did they say sapa is again????πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Yes, I love Arts in general. I see some art works and it’s like I can hear them speak to me. I have a few sketches that I’ve shamelessly shown to about three people. Well, I’ll really love to develop this artistic side of me as time goes by. I think when my billions manifest, I’ll love to be an art collector or even host an art show featuring young artists. I also look forward to visiting some art galleries and attending art events like a paint and sip really soon.

I am not a very Fashionable person. I’m more about style and I honestly don’t like trends. I try to keep it Simple, Comfortable, Decent, but yet Classy. I wear a lot of heels and I don’t even own a pair of sneakers. I bought one recently. it wasn’t even my size but I bought it cause I really liked it and then gave it out almost immediately. Come to think of it, its been a while I bought myself a pair of heels, all I do is window shopping on Ali express and imagining my feet in them. Ha! my God will do it πŸ˜ͺπŸ˜ͺ. I also love men Clothing. lol. I sometimes spend my day online, admiring men’s clothing and saving the pictures for what I don’t knowπŸ€£πŸ˜‚. I follow some really Crazily good Male Fashion Designers on Instagram and damn!!!! I think one thing that makes a man stand out for me is his dress sense. Also, one of my marriage fantasy is I and my Gee getting styled by Orange Culture for our wedding Anniversary, in nothing regular, having a full Photo session and going on a date to end the dayπŸ˜ŽπŸ˜ŽπŸ˜…. By the way, I’m starting something on Men’s Wear Next year. I was supposed to start this year but then a lot happened. So come 2022, ya all should get ready to support my brand in full force.πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜‰

I am a very single sister πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. I have been single for a while but I wont be specific on how long because of some personal reasons. Someone may want to ask why right??? Well, it’s either the guys I meet aren’t my type, or I’m not attracted to them in anyway, religion, they like someone else, just want to be friends(by the way I don’t think I want anymore male friends. It aff do!). So yeah, either they are in a relationship, are far away or just want to drag me in their confusion and I really don’t like what I hate. And yes, there are many other reasons I can’t even openly state here πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. Well, I’m also very particular and straightforward about what I want as I don’t like to play games. So, I also must really like you to date you tori pe, one day my fingers can just decide not to pick your calls again. Yes, blame it on my fingers cos it’s not me 😩😩 And oh well, I’m also very good at curving people. I will just go full ghost on you and I wouldn’t even know until I realize we don’t talk anymore more(I used to really like this song by Charlie Puth sha🀭🀭). Well, in a way I’m kind of relaxed and enjoying the Single Life thing. I mean relationships are work, demanding and expensive too especially for people like me that do not like to do basic(I guess I just think I’m not financially ready)πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. So yeah, am I available for dating??? Well, it depends on who is asking tori pe emi o raye oshi!!!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Genesis 1:31 says ‘ God saw everything that He had made, and behold it was very good. It wasn’t just good but very good. Like God looked at me and he validated me and said I’m very good😩😩😩😩. So, when you see me, this should be what comes to your mind😁😁😁😁. It’s not pride, it’s just self realization and there’s no going back from this. Therefore, I won’t end this without stating that:

I am beauri☺️
I am a spec. I be pure spec abeg!!!!!😁😁😁
I mean, haters would always hate(who else would God prepare my table before???)😜😜
Potatoes will keep potatingπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
But my blood shall never run dry. And that’s on periodt!!!!!😁😁😁😁

Lastly and most importantly, I’m a child of God. Lol, I don’t like to be tagged religious but I firmly believe in God and his word. Well, I’m nothing close to perfect. I fall short, and get back on my feet and I’m truly grateful for the grace made available through Christ.

Well, I hope with these not so few points of mine I’ve been able to tell you about myself. So yeah, thank you for reading. I really appreciate everyone who reads my blog and leaves a comment. It’s by far the sweetest thing and I do not take it for granted. So, Thank you! ❀️❀️

❀✨

MATILDA

Beauty in our scarsπŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡

I guess pain births beauty. I do not think I have written down anything poetic before this. It was two years ago when I was dealing with issues of the heart. lol. It was shortly after I had just started this blog. Writing became my escape. I’d write every time I felt the need to release and now I write even the dumbest thingπŸ˜…πŸ˜…

β€œThe wound is the place where the Light enters you.”

RUMI

Well, I always knew I love Creative writing, story telling, poetry and the likes. I knew I had it in me, but I never knew I was really going to explore it this way. Well, I was going through some of my drafts and I found this. I wrote this in so much pain yeah and I’m not sure why I’m getting to share this now. Well, maybe for show off because I mean, this looks good (I know I’m proud)πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. But most importantly, I hope someone reads this and know that there’s so much beauty in our scars. you just have to tap into it. There’s so much depth in us, we just have to find it and explore it. Oh well! as you listen may you be blessed.🀣🀣🀣

I will never forgive you those words I said out of anger and pain I wake up to think you wish you say you were insane I've cried but the hurt won't go away I'll never forgive you

Oh! look what you've turned me to A sad and lonely boo I thought you said you'll never leave but yet you did leaving Hey boo I'll never forgive you! Oh! well, the pain really never heals I can't say I'm done crying but I'm done cursing I hate to say this but I think I hate you But yet I have to forgive you! I was told forgiveness is the best way to heal I'm not sure if I'm ready for what is to come but I think I might be ready to let you go Hey boo! I forgive you They say you only love a person when you let them go I think that's the dumbest line passenger ever sang because this is all pure pain and misery But yet I forgive you You said I should trust the process but I don't even trust you who could wake up and say you could be happier without me I don't trust you who could forget all the memories and moments we shared because you say you're manning up Lol who man's up by running away from his fears? I don't trust you who could look to my face and said that you prefer other women's company to mine I don't trust you who leaves at the very time I needed you the most I do not trust you, who's lips are only filled with empty promises you say you do this for us but yet all I see is a selfish man that wants more than he's willing to give Yet I forgive you I thought they said love conquers all but now I'm sure I wasn't told the truth well I hope you find what you think you're after now when you look at me I hope you see joy and laughter Because that's all I want my life to express it gets harder by the day but yet it gets easier every tear I get to drop signifies healing, so I was told and I'm gonna cry till I am past the pain But hey Boo! I forgive you!!!!!! - MATILDA

I’m really not sure why I’m deciding to share this now. I’m not even sure why I picked this out of the many beautiful and amazing things I think I wrote when I thought I was emotionally broken but I’m just really glad I finally get to share this part of me with everyone who gets to read my blog. And here’s to hoping I get to share more with you.

❀✨

MATILDA

Continue reading “Beauty in our scarsπŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡”

Breathe My Darling!!!!!!πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

Lately there’s been this general feeling of tiredness, you’re just exhausted, unmotivated and feeling frustrated. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. You just feel really drained like there’s no iota of strength left in you. You don’t even want to talk or see anyone. You just feel like being in your corner and in your feelings. You can’t even pinpoint what excalty is wrong, but you know that nothing feels right at this time.

Has this been you???? Well, here’s the truth, you’re not alone. This has been me too. I thought I was alone, until I heard some people talk about their struggles. Honestly, some days I cry and some night I have night mares. It’s really been a struggle and it seems unending. But I’m greatful that each day it gets better and hopefully it gets better for you too. Well, just breathe!!!!!!!

So, ive come to a conclusion that maybe it could be the anxiety that comes with the year ending. I mean there are goals you had set at the beginning of the year, there are things you hoped to have achieved, there are stages you hoped to have grown past, there’s a place you had pictured you’ll be at this time but you’re not even anywhere close. Yeah, I get it! Remember you’re not alone so just breathe!!!!! Well, what do you do if this is you????

You need to know it’s ok to feel how you’re feeling. Allow yourself feel all the emotions. Cry if you have to, scream if you have to but know you can’t do that forever, so you need to know when to stop. Talk to someone if you have especially someone who can listen without judgements. For me, I talk by writing.

You need to accept that you’re excalty where you need to be at this time. It’s ok to feel exhausted and overwhelmed. I think it’s an opportunity to appreciate yourself with a pat on the back that you’re doing alright. It’s a time to do some productive thinking and some strategic planning. But honestly, rest if you have to. Take your time and trust the process. Be greatful for where you are and all you’ve achieved so far. Remind yourself that you’re on the right path.

Stay positive and don’t focus on the problems because, you become your focus. You need daily affirmations and you need to keep saying this words until it becomes flesh. Surround yourself with positive and happy people that could influence you with their positive energy, but also, you need to find joy and fulfilment from within. It’s somewhere inside of you, you need to find it and live in that reality.

Listen to songs that keeps your head in check. Here are some that I listen to:

  • He Understands by Chandler Moore,Β 
  • Stupid Deep by Naomi Raine,
  • who you say I am by Hillsong,Β 
  • Shine by Johnny Drille,
  • you have my yes by Maryanne George,
  • I will trust by Red Rocks worship,
  • No fear by Karri Jobe,
  • Talking to Jesus by Maverick city
  • Truth I’m standing on by Leanna Crawford,
  • Joy of The Lord by Maverick City. And many others. Generally, you can listen to Maverick city and Elevation worship. Their songs are really relatable.

Most importantly, you need to remind yourself that only God can. Honestly, praying, studying and focusing on God will be really difficult but really you have to keep trying. God’s word says, ‘Do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am the Lord your God. I will strengthen you and help you’. You need to fix your focus on God and trust him. The Bible says ‘If the Lord does not help you, where can you get help from’???? Find rest in God’s word and I’m sure everything will be fine.

Relax my darling, you’ll be fine!!!!!Always remember, you’re not alone and whatever you’re feeling is valid. Stay strong, this too shall pass and I’m rooting for you all the way. sending you plenty hugs and I pray you feel better soon. πŸ€—πŸ€—

❀️✨
Matilda
Continue reading “Breathe My Darling!!!!!!πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—”

Be kind!!!!

Here I am wanting to release the so much pain and hurt I feel. I had an emotional break down at work today and I cried. I cried so hard because I am hurt. I wasnt just hurt, I felt helpless. On days like this, I wish I wasn’t soft hearted. I wish I wasn’t respectful, I wish I had the guts to talk back at people. I just really wish I wasn’t even a good person. And yes, I wish I had a gun!

One of the many things I hate is being screamed at. Don’t shout at me no matter what. I mean there are many ways one can pass a message across without screaming especially when I even communicated in the most polite way ever. I’m very particular about not disrespecting people, so I’m very careful about my actions in dealing with people. Infact, I’m many things but not disrespectful.

Don’t scream at me, especially when I haven’t even done anything wrong. I cried so hard that I was short of breath. I can’t remember when last I felt this helplessness. I cried, oh! I cried. I’m a softie, so the tinniest things gets to me. No! This wasn’t no tiny thing. I just wish I knew how to be tough and do odeishi. You wouldn’t even let me explain myself for God’s sake!!!

I had an issue with a tenant at work. Her guests were leaving but they stayed back at the reception and were talking for over thirty minutes. They were really loud which made the place look really rowdy. I walked up to her and politely told her I wanted to see her but she wasn’t even gonna move, so I whispered to her ears that I think she should move to the lounge to talk with her guests so I don’t have an issue with my boss because he had given me an instruction just recently about that.

That was all I did and said and then boom! I didn’t hear the last of it. She started to scream on the top of her voice like I had just done the worse to her. There’s nothing she didn’t say! This is something she wouldn’t even try with my other colleagues because they don’t rate her at all. Mehn! I didn’t even do anything, I’ve never even had an issue with her prior to this time. Wow, she said really cruel, low and hurtful words. Words are like weapons. They’ll pierce every single time it echos leaving a fresh wound.

It’s a really cold world out there and today I’m making a decision to learn to be though so I’m never a victim of emotional abuse again because to the best of my knowledge, this is how to survive. I’ll learn to serve silence with a smirk on my face to make the person feel stupid because only a really stupid person will prey on someone’s emotions. I’m deciding never to give anyone power over my emotions anymore. Never!!!!

I’m not even sure what I’m writing but, I felt really helpless and needed to vent so I thought to write since it calms me. I sure do feel a bit better and I hope I don’t hear those hurtful words echo in my head, I hope my tears weren’t for nothing and I hope the peace that surpasses all understanding guards my heart.

Be kind. The world needs more of it. Be kind!!!!!It’s the least you could do!!!! Most importantly, stay safe guys and guard your hearts with all diligence, there are too many angry people out there, looking for who to devour.

Love,

Matilda

❀️✨✨

Some fun facts about me (part 2) πŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆ

Hello again!I’m not sure why it took me this long to write, but I’m just glad I’m finally getting to write to you. 😊😊

So yeah, I initially wanted to be a doctor before I settled for Law that I didn’t even get to study. I really loved the idea of being called a Dr. Toyin and my mum being called iya Doctor (Doctor’s mother). I was a really smart child, I had bagged several double promotions, so yeah it felt really convenient and visible. After my Junior Weac, we went home with forms that were to be submitted upon resumption of Senior Secondary class, and my parents had filled out science class for me and even bought some text books. Well, I got scared along the line. I thought Doctors only deal with blood, cutting and stitching people and I really don’t like to see blood. So, I tore the form, collected another one and filled out for Art class on my own. Please don’t ask me what I told my parents πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

As a kid, I used to be called ‘Consumer’ because, I would eat just anything and everything in really large quantities.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Now that I’m grown, I’m beginning to wonder how all of that happened because, I don’t even eat. I’m very picky. I’m hardly ever hungry and I get tired of food easily so I eat really little if I have to eat. Well, only on some really rare occasions that I live up to that title. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

When I was growing up, I used to be really superstitious. Like you don’t sweep at night, don’t walk with you back, when something drops on the floor don’t pick it, if you’re sneezing that means someone is talking about you, if someone says you’re heavy then it means you’re dead, and so many dumb stuffs like that. I’m just greatful for the knowledge of truth because I’m not sure how I would have been wallowing in ignorance, abi what did the Bible say again??? For my people perish because of lack of knowledge🀣🀣🀣

It took me a while to be really comfortable in my body. It was either I felt too fat or really fat.lol. I also had a serious issues with my boobs. They felt too big and for some reasons I just didn’t want to be seen. I’ll put on big clothes, use scarfs to also cover them. Infact, I considered surgery! 😩 Yes surgery. I even started to save towards it but sapa(the unavailability of funds) hooked me and I had to eat, afterall it’s only someone that is alive that can undergo surgery.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ By the way, don’t ask me how much I saved, cause it wouldn’t have even paid for my Visa except I was going to meet Doctor Anu(you should read up about her on twitter), maybe by now we would have been dragging each other in court.🀭🀭

The two words you’ll most likely hear me say all the time are ‘of cause’ and ‘i no like wahala oooo’. I say of cause whenever someone tell me things I agree with. I mean it just even happens. I didn’t even know how used I am to saying it until a Friend pointed it out. I say ‘i no like wahala’ to caution myself to walk away from anything that would get me into trouble cause honestly I don’t like wahala πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ oh yeah, I say lol alot too. There are times I’m not sure what to say or how to say it, It just okay safe and say lol. And yes, I use alot of emojis when chatting and most of the time, they are unrelatable to the subject of discussion πŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆ

I’m a very good listener. I like to listen more than talking. If you ever need someone to listen to you and not say a word, I’m the right person for the job. And I don’t judge people’s choices neither would I make a decision for you. I’ll just listen and allow you tell me what it is you want me to do. I just generally like to be there for people and I love to see people happy. I’m also a very good hype person. I will hype you until you feel better and begin to live in your truth.!

I’m big on friendships and relationships. I just want to be the one who listens, who prays with you and for you. I’m a very loyal person and I don’t joke with the people I care about. I want to be my friends go to person. You feel like crying? Call me. You want to vent? Call me? You need someone to join you to insult someone??? Call me. But don’t call me if it involves fighting cos I don’t like wahala.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I always feel honored when my friends are able to confide in me. I like to send messages like, I have gist for you, I’m thinking about you or I send a voice note saying absolutely rubbish and ending it with, I just thought you should hear my voice πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I like to throw kisses in the air in a public place because I’m so excited to see you, even though I can’t hug you at that moment. I just want to always be there for my friends and make sure I’m giving them my best. I like to call my friends names, like big head, ode(senseless person)….it’s all out of love abeg πŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆ

I’m a hopeless romantic. I like to think I’m a hard girl but the tinniest things makes me melt. Hold my hands, give me kisses, hug me from behind, play with the hair I don’t even have (those who know me personally know what I mean). Sometimes I wonder how couples who work in the same place stay focused because I can’t keep my hands in one place.😩😩😩. I love hugs too. I feel like it represents safety. Blessed are the ones who hugs us, for theirs is a permanent space in our hearts☺️☺️☺️. I love to write random notes or messages. I’ll leave notes in your pockets or I buy a gift and give it to you with a written note. I love to goof around too. I too like play 😩😩

A few things I can’t stand are lies, disrespect and being shouted out. I’ll just start crying when people raise their voice at me. I hate liars. Like it’s the one thing that can throw me off balance. No matter what, Don’t lie to me! Don’t lie to me! Don’t lie to me! Don’t think of lying to me!!!!!! I can’t stand it. The truth hurts sometimes, but it’s safe at all times. Don’t just lie to me, no matter how hard it is. Don’t lie to me, don’t disrespect me, don’t scream at me. Don’t!!!!! 😩😩😩

I once slapped a guy when he tried to kiss me in public. Firstly, I’m not your girlfriend. Secondly, I don’t even like you. Thirdly, who do you even think you are???? I gave him a dirty slap on the face and never looked back. We remained friends for a while but eventually faded out. Well, I’m really glad I did that. The things I got to know later on, made me really proud of my decision of leaving a mark on his face.

I had my first kiss in my parents house. I mean sneaky right?? 😩😩 The crazy thing about it is that it was a truth or dare game I played on WhatsApp πŸ™ƒπŸ™ƒπŸ™ƒ And this was the first and last time I ever played truth or dare with a guy, that game is too risky and demanding abeg. Ahn ahan! I dare you to this, I dare you to that, all in the name of let’s get to know each other abi let’s keep the conversation going. Boya ko get out. Rarada oshiπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

I name my belongings. Like my phone has a name, my sewing machine has a name, my mannequin has a name. Some people find it strange but I don’t even see anything wrong with it. I mean these are my personal stuffs you know πŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆ

Let me end this with, I love biscuits alot. Biscuit is like a whole meal for me, I can eat it all day. People walk into a store to look for other things, me I walk into a store to look for biscuit. My favorite biscuit is Jacob’s cream crackers, with chilled chivita ice tea. It’s so addicting, and I can’t help it. 😩😩😩😩

I didn’t expect this ‘fun facts about me’ to be this long, but It seems there’s just so much I’m willing to talk about and whenever I decide to end it, I just keep feeling like there’s one more thing to say. it also seems they are not even fun facts, they are just facts. 🀭🀭So, I guess there’ll be a part three to this and hopefully it ends there! 😩😩😩

So, this is all for now till I write to you again. Hopefully it doesn’t take long!!!! Please like, share and leave a comment. Don’t forget to live and always remember you matter. Yes you!!!!!!!

❀️✨
Matilda

Some fun facts about me (part 1)

Ermmmm, being who I am, people hardly say they know a thing or two about me. So, I thought to tell you some fun and not so fun things about me. So here’s to hoping you learn a few things about me πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ

My name is Oluwatoyin Matilda Jatto. While alot of people prefer to call me Matilda or Tilda for short, I really do prefer Oluwatoyin. It sounds more original and more like me too. You know, I love being a yoruba girl.πŸ˜…

I am the second and middle child of my parents, and that’s one of my greatest flex. I’m no one’s mummy and I’m no body’s baby. I grew up to be independent, having a mind of my own with no unnecessary attention being drawn to myself. It’s just really convenient being my own person you know.

One thing I enjoy doing is making dresses. This is one thing I can give up sleep for. I make all my dresses myself and I’ve been doing that for about four years now. I also make dresses commercially. Yeah! I have a brand called stitches by Tilda, and it’s been running for over a year now.

I’m a very very shy person. And while it may not seem like it, it’s true. I can’t even look at a person in the eye while they talking to me. Well, I can also be a talkative too. But that’s if I get really comfortable with a person. I can hardly keep quiet. I’ll go on and on, and I mean on and on.

I’m a very playful person. Ha! I can play, and you’ll hardly catch me being serious. I love to laugh and I laughed really loud. I also snort while I laughπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. Oh well, I have a really beautiful smile too. I mean have you seen me smile??? The kind of smile that heals you ☺️☺️

I’m not a formal person. I really love to just do things that are more interesting. I’ll rather go to the park, have a picnic than go to a fancy restaurants. I just really prefer to be free you know. And I really don’t like rules. Better still, I’ll rather stay indoors all day. You know how they say it, Netflix and chill!!!! 😁😁😁

I don’t play by the rules of a guy has to be the one to approach a lady. If I see a guy I like, I’ll let him know! The worst that can happen is him not being available or interested. And it will be very dumb of him to disrespect me because of that! And yeah, sometimes, Some of this guys, just need to be pointed in the right direction you know!!!!

I was almost suspended from secondary school when I was in Jss2. I attended a party and we played one game like that ‘Devil’s Basket’. Lol, I was asked to act like a drunkard and I did. Sha Sha, word got out and everyone that was in attendance was asked to face a panel. Luckily for me, my church member was in that panel and she vouched for me, saying she knows me well to be better than that. That was how I escaped being suspended, deboarded , or whatever the punishment would have being. I think this is one of he reasons I really don’t party till date.

I really do love music. As a matter of fact I wanted to go into music. Lol, no I wanted to go into rap music to be precise. I really used to love lil Wayne, Busta Rhymes while I was growing up. I’ll learn their lyrics word for word.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ But really, music is food to my soul. It’s an escape for me. I love good music!!!!!

Lastly, I’m a very good person. I mean, I own it with my full chest that I’m good!!!!!!!!!😁😁😁

Ermmmmm, I think I’ll have to stop here for now. To be continued in the next post. Please don’t forget to share, like and leave a comment. And if there’s anything you want to know, you can ask in the comment section.

❀️✨
Matilda

I got served πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

The streets be moving mad and serving breakfast on a daily πŸ˜‚. It was my birthday few weeks ago and I got served breakfast, not on bed, but on the floor and in flood. Well, I’m just glad I can laugh about this right now , because it wasn’t funny and I cried so hardπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

You know nothing hurts as bad as when you ignore your heart and decide to go with your head especially when you have coconut head😟😟. Lol, I knew this was gonna happen at the end but I kept making silly excuses in my head. I mean this was the first time in years that I was so sure about what and how I felt and I was willing not to hold back even for a minute. 🀦

When it finally happened, I didn’t know when I fell to the ground in tears and I told this sinner (yes I called him sinner 😏) not to ever call me again. And when he insisted that he’ll like to call to check on me, I didn’t know when I said we’ll talk in heaven πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. How the hell did I even think of that.

Thinking of how I almost bought sapphire scent and a couples wrist watch. Ha! Thank God I used my money to buy hair ooooo, it would have hurt more honezly πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

I was down for days and thinking about what I did wrong. My mind tried to play the blame game on me. Me that said we’ll talk in heaven, texted two days after. I called him brother, he called me sister too πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Not me waking up in the middle of the night to download Ed Sheeran’s photograph, and thinking of the many videos I wanted to make with that song. As if that wasn’t enough, Tiwa Savage had to release ‘somebody son’. It was as if she sang the song out of my heart.

Well, I’m just glad I can laugh about all of this right now. I had to do odeishi and it worked. Lol, I cried oooo. Even my heart tried to play the blame trick on my but I didn’t let it. I had to pick myself up, adjust my crown as a queen that I am.

So here’s to everyone hurting, pain is part of the process and it will all make sense at the very end. Just pick the lessons and make a better decision next time. It’s still gonna happen for you, and it’s closer than you know….. DON’T STOP TRYING!!!!!!!!!!

❀️✨ 
Matilda

It’s just that time of the month again!!!!😞😞

Dear woman, Do you experience pre menstrual sadness? You just feel unmotivated, caught up in your feelings and irritated by the tinnest things. Do you get so stressed and uninterested in socializing??? well!it’s totally fine, It’s just that time of the month.

I just will never understand the uncontrollable mood swings. The lack of motivation or zeal to do anything. The every minute tiredness even when you’ve done absolutely nothing. I don’t even have to keep track, because all of this reminds me that it’s that time of the month again.

I go off social media till I feel better and before then I’ll stop replying messages or picking calls. Lol, I’ll legit see a call and not pick. I just wouldn’t want to talk to anyone. And Oh well, when I’m finally over it and I start to return calls and reply messages, I just try to apologize but I’m not sure how to say it’s that time of the month again, so I’m so sorry. 😩

The pimples popping up on my face here and there. Suddenly I won’t feel pretty anymore, I feel fat and even my favorite dresses won’t look fine anymore. My dress sense reduces to zero and and I just want to wear purple on green😩😩. It’s really annoying but it’s that time of the month again and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.

My cravings suddenly becomes something else. I’m craving everything but yet I can’t eat it😩. My stomach cant retain food. Once I take anything in, my stomach immediately gets upset and I have to use the rest room. The smallest food even makes my stomach bloated. And yes, I just want soda and anything sugary and of cause more soda.πŸ˜‚

Oh! What about the constant need for affection and attention and the frustration that comes with not getting it????πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Ha! let’s not even go there, I just give myself a pat and say it’s that time of the month againπŸ˜€

There’s just so much a woman has to deal with. Pre menstrual this, post menstrual that, menstrual this. One week you’re ovulating, next week you’re dealing with one menstrual thing that comes with so much unexplainable crankiness. And oh well, it’s always that time of the month again.

It gets so frustrating that I cry sometimes. I try to control my emotions but it’s way beyond my control, and when I get too tired I just try to remind myself that it’s that time of the month again.

So, here’s to every woman who goes through premenstrual sadness and unusual cravings and needs, I see you, I feel you and hear you clearly. I’m sending you hugs for everytime you’re in need of affection. It’s ok to cry when you’re all up in your feelings but don’t beat yourself too hard because it’s really not your fault. And to everyone one who has to deal with our crankiness, just give us a hug whenever you see us in that state because, ITS JUST THAT TIME OF THE MONTH AGAIN!!!!!

Love, 
Matilda
❀️✨✨✨

The Sixteen year old me πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

So today I was having a talk with a friend andΒ  I had a flash back about the sixteen year old me and I was just laughing at my many imaginations and dreams.

I was fresh from secondary school, had some very strong views about how life should be lived, had many dreams. The sixteen year old me just had a lot of crazy imaginations.

At sixteen, I had my whole life planned out. I should gain admission into the University by seventeen and then graduate at the age of twenty-one.

While in school, I’ll meet the love of my life and by twenty-three we’ll probably get married. By twenty-four or twenty-five we’ll have our first child( a daughter or a twin).
At Thirty, I’ll be done being a child’s factory and probably adopt a child.
Look at me that wouldn’t go into a relationship while in school 🀦🀦

The sixteen year old me was so sure that by twenty-four, I should be working my dream job, going on vacations and living my best life. I also wanted to be a lawyer, so by twenty-six I should have made partner at a reputable law firm. Ha! I didn’t even get to study law πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

The sixteen year old me became seventeen,  seventeen became eighteen, eighteen became nineteen and now I’m not even in my teens anymore.  I can’t say things have gone excalty as I had planned but I’m really glad somethings didn’t happen the way I wanted. 

Life happened!!!!! Everyday I’m greatful for the lessons, I’m greatful for growth and I’m greatful for life mostly. Things might not always go as we plan, but should we stop living?? Of cos no, we have to keep on living. Remember, you stop living when you stop living. And yeah, my dreams are still valid.

So, just as I always say, just live!!!!!

My dearest, how are you?

Just like every other night, I’m awake and unable to sleep. I think my body has gradually adjusted to the sleepless nights that even though I need the rest, I’ll still be unable to get it.

I’m exhausted, I’m drained, I don’t even know if I’m truly happy these days. I’m currently overwhelmed by so much that I can’t even contain anymore. I cry so hard that I cry myself to sleep sometimes.

Everyday I get more than five persons ask me how I am, and my usually response is ‘ I’m fine ‘……of the truth, that’s a lie. I’m actually not fine. I’m overwhelmed and exhausted. I feel so alone and tired.

So much has been going on. Business has been really really slow, not yielding profits and it’s really frustrating. I’m unsure about my decision to relocate. It goes beyond what I can even say. But maybe someday, I’ll let it all out.

I’ve gotten so many ‘No I can’t help you ‘ that it makes me so sick. It makes me wonder if maybe I’m truly a bad person that I can’t find anyone to help. I mean I try to be selfless in my dealings with ‘friends ‘ but I really don’t get back that energy when I’m in need of it. With this, I got reminded about my last post…’ who’s really holding your hands ‘???? I hope the ones you’re holding it down for, would be willing to hold it down for you too when you need it.

I say it again, I’m overwhelmed by so much. Some days, I feel like I’ve lost touch with living and I’m just here trying so hard to survive. There’s just so much I wanna let out. I’m considering trying the screaming therapy and hoping it helps.

What exactly is happiness???Well, maybe it’s an illusion or a situational thing, but either ways, I’m constantly in search of anything that makes me happy. I laugh uncontrollably whenever I get the chance to. I try to look for distractions even though I know it’s just temporary.

I just felt a need to express how I truly feel. And for those who know me personally, I hope when next you see me, you give me a firm and tight hug with a path on my back assuring me that I’ll be fine and maybe a peck on the cheek too, I’ll totally love it. I hope when next I write, I’ll be telling you how I crushed every single thing overwhelming me right now. And yeah, when I cross your thoughts, I hope you remember to say a prayer for me.

So, my dearest(insert your name here) , how are you really doing?????

Maybe, maybe not!!!!!

I remember some years ago when my mum was really sick. I was with her together with my dad at her shop. She looked so pale and sat down really weak. It looked like she was in so much pain because I know my mum is a really strong woman but that day was different. I had never seen her like that before. Her eyes were so red and full with tears.

I sat beside her holding her hands and the only thing I could hear her say was ‘Pray for Me’. I held her hands in prayer and my dad was praying too. But then it seemed like she grew weak in every passing second and I got really scared that I couldn’t even pray again.

My dad quickly rushed home to get his anointing oil. While he was gone, my mum held my hands like she wanted me to come closer to her and I did.

Then she said ‘Toyin, take care of yourself and your siblings. The three of you should stay United. Love your brother and no matter what he does, always make sure you forgive him’.

Ha! You say????? I just sat there, lost of words. I was trying so hard to process what I just heard with heavy tears pouring from my eyes. No nah, I can’t lose my mum. Not now….I haven’t even done anything for her, so no, it can’t happen.

While I was still trying to process it all, my dad got back to the shop with the anointing oil and applied it on her forehead and then he started to pray in tongues and was speaking words of life into her life.

Well, the rest is history. But most importantly my mom made it that day, and has made it every other day. And Everytime she talks about her health, she never forgets to talk about my dad who has been a shield through the help of God.

And so, I’ve been trying to answer some questions that keeps popping in my head, and this whole scene has been on a replay. It reminds me that marriage , isn’t just about companionship, partnership, but it also involves covering.

The truth is that this goes far beyond marriage. It also has to do with the friends we keep. Can that person cover for you???? Not just spiritually but in all spheres of life. Can that person stand for you???

I mean, if someone can’t stand for you, a day will come that they would stand against you. Also, if they can’t cover for you, then they’ll be the ones to expose you.

Well, enough said!!!!!I’m not even a motivational speaker or a marriage counselor. lol…. but I’ve had to fight too many decisions in my head lately and well this scene just keeps playing in my head.

So, I just thought to share. This might be useful to someone too. πŸ€—πŸ€—

Love and light

Matilda✨

MY BADAGRY LOVE🀩

It was a beautiful and sunny day in Badagry. I had gone for an excursion with my department, and it was our second day there. We had gone out for sight seeing. Saw the first story building, the first well, the land of no return, and many other views that has made history.

That day was a good day for me, I was having maximum fun, taking lots of pictures with the camera my dad had given me. Spoke to people I had never spoken to in my department. It felt really good.

On our way back to our lodge, we were moving in a convoy of three buses. We stopped half way for those who wanted to withdraw money from the ATM. It was so sunny and really hot, that almost all of us got thirsty at once, so we had to look for water to buy.

I had some change on me. I decided to buy water for as many people as I could buy for. People from the second and third bus also came to collect water. That was when I heard ‘can I also get some for I and my friends’?

I looked up wondering who it was, when i saw a very fine boy smiling at me. He was Tall, dark, had this fine set of white teeth. I was almost loosing my home training staring and swallowing saliva that wasn’t there. I kept on staring and saying to myself ‘who’s this one, I’ve never seen him in the department before’. Damn he was fine!!! I finally got back from the land of imaginations, gave him some water for him and his friends and he went his way saying ‘Thank you’.

We left Badagry the following day. on our way, we stopped to fuel the buses. That was when i saw Mr fine boy walking towards my bus. You know I’m really irresistibleπŸ˜…. Well luckily for him, I was just by the door, so it made it easier for him to find me. He came at me smiling, said Good morning and properly introduced himself.

I can still remember the smile on his face when he said ‘I am Gafar’. I smiled back at him and introduced myself too. Told him I’ve never seen him in the department before. He told me he wasn’t a part of our department, not even our faculty. I was from Arts and he was from science. His roommate was the president of my department, so he just decided to tag along. We talked for a while and when it was time to go, we exchanged contacts and he went his way.

Gafar and I met a few times, in and outside the school premesis. He would come to my faculty building in between lectures.we would sit under the tree and talk till either of us had to go for our next lecture. He was so nice, gave me compliments everytime he saw me. He had this sweet mouth ehnπŸ˜†, got me drooling almost every damn time. This guy legit knew I liked him. Oh well, the feeling was mutual. I was always blushing at jokes that weren’t even funny. Infact I made a contribution to my department for it’s first final year dinner just so I could impress this guy.

I and Gafar never dated. We could have but I’m an over thinker and I was considering our difference in religion at that time. It wasnt an issue for him but it was for me, and he respected my decision. We haven’t seen in years but we still talk.

Gafar turned out to be a good friend. He was there for me when I really needed a friend sometime last year. He would call me everyday for hours to make sure I was fine. This Nigga even suggested we go back to Badagry together, just so I could feel better.πŸ€—

I can’t think Badagry without smiling at the thoughts of ‘Gafar’. It was really a beautiful experience. I know you’ll definitely read this as always. Thanks for being a good friend when I needed one. I think I’m finally ready for a redo of the Badagry trip.😁

Grenade??? Never!!!

The first attempt I made at having a relationship with the male gender (not as if i was with the female gender before that). He was a pastor’s son just where I worshipped. I watched him dance a few times and he caught my attention. He was tall and dark. He also had this nice smile that gave away his white teeth just the way I like it.πŸ˜‹ Has a Yoruba name that I like so much. Was it Feranmi, Femi or Ademola??? Really I won’t tell you, and If you know me personally, please don’t bother guessing, because you won’t get it right.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

We talked frequently for weeks, mostly at nights. I wonder what we even talked about but I doubt if it was anything to give him the imperession that I liked him. He went about telling people I was his girlfriend. But to me, we were just talking, or maybe I just didn’t understand what the term ‘girlfriend’ meant at that time. Atleast that was when I realized that you could be dating someone, and the person might not necessarily be dating you in return. I didnt think he cared though or maybe he was just happy to be talking to a pretty girl like(u know what i mean).😁

One hot night, while we were talking and both fantasizing about romantic events in a relationship,Β  he just interupted me and said ‘Tilda please sing me a song’. You mean me, a whole me??? Me that my voice is only for Jesus. well i mean he was the pastor’s son and the pastor works for Jesus so some how maybe i just fell for the trap and after i had refused the first time he insisted and even selectedΒ  a song ‘Grenade by Bruno Mars’.

Oh I knew the song word for word. Bruno was one of my favorite and Grenade was one of his latest hit at that time. Uncle knew that because we discussed music alot. After so many ‘please nah, just sing it for me, any how I won’t mind’ i started to sing. I’ll catch a grenade for you……….. 🎢🎢🎢. My voice was effortlessly shaking and I could feel I was doing a bad job, but I didn’t care. Immediately I was done, he asked if I’ll really catch a grenade for him. I just ignored the question and told him I needed to go to bed. We said our good nights. But that was the last time I ever picked his call.

I felt so sad that he made me sing that. you can’t claim to like someone and expect them to make such sacrifice for you. It clearly means you don’t like them. I ain’t gonna catch a grenade, neither will I jump in front of a train nor catch a bullet for anyone. What was he even thinking? Or was it a punishment for not reciprocating the boy friend title??

I heard that song a few days ago and I had a good laugh remembering how i innocently sang it, and I have been trying to understand why I reacted that way. I mean it was just a song right? Was I just young and couldn’t see beyond the lyrics? Or I was just being mean? Either ways, I’m human after allπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚